September 1, 2003

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  MY NEW LIFE GUIDE

  fighting.  such an odd thing to do.  especially when it gets physical.  seems as if the common reaction is "these people are nuts!"  "why are they doing this?  theyre so brutal...so animalistic...so drunk and angry."  but ya know, is it any different than any other reactionary behavior?  for example, is a physical altercation that far removed from, say, a verbal bout?  friends cursing your existence over cheap and tawdry concepts and dice rolling whores isnt really any different.  its all in the reaction.  but, i believe it should work the other way around.  right?

  so its come to this.  im not entirely certain i know how to process the fact that i spent a portion of last evening in the throws of violence.  it certainly would make things a little easier if i had at least one person to turn to...to ask why.  but i dont.  i only have the memory of white hot anger, mixed with searing pain.  and while the authorities were allegedly called, they likewise failed to arrive and help me resolve this issue. 

  walking somewhere, i really didnt know where, bare footed, i had an opportunity to put it into perspective.  but i didnt.  repeating what had happened to me and the rest to the only available ear (the only ear period...and, the real kicker is that its the ear i so often refuse) should, under normal circumstances, have helped me put my finger on how to come around and get a grip on what happened.  but it didnt.  what to do?

  write.  thats it, ill write.  im shedding while writing...the experience has actually taught me a couple of valuable lessons.  primary, booze is bad business!  secondary, you can trust no one!  NO ONE!  tertiary, i certainly feel a hell of a lot tougher now.  and it took a near ass whooping to make me feel this way.  however, i believe it should work the other way around.  right?

  i guess its working.  i already feel, how shall i say, more liberated.  those that consider me what they consider me will always have their reasons.  we all have our reasons for each and every thing we do.  those that dont, well, at least those that pretend not to, earn no more respect than the drunken fag who made a complete mockery of what it means to be united.  i guess the solidarity split with the sanity, though i believe it should work the other way around.  right?

  yeah, this has helped.  its helped immensely.  im settling like the sand on this one and it feels right.  it feels good.  but, i believe it should definitely work the other way around.  right?

  dickcarter, sorely satisfied street fighter

  • 2:25 pm
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